Haiboku
by TheTrapdoorLover
Summary: It was always the four of them, and that's how they thought it would always be. Though none of them had ever admited it, they wouldn't have it any other way. Now, in the face of loosing a friend, what will they do?
1. Chapter 1

"Kuso!"

Everything was happening so fast. Gojyo barely had the time to ground out his impassioned curse before he sank his shakujou into another body, rending soul from flesh. His skin was slick with blood, but he couldn't tell if it was his own, or if it belonged any one of the many bodies that littered the field. A white-hot pain ripped through his back, letting him know there was yet another blade-wielding youkai behind him that needed to be dealt with quickly. He turned quickly, watching as the hungry metal gorged itself in demon blood. He could hear Sanzo's shoureiju firing in quick, mindless successes, letting Gojyo know, at the very least, that Sanzo was still alive. Once again, Gojyo was prompted to turn, this time at the demented battle cry of an already wounded youkai who quickly joined his fallen comrades. Gojyo looked up from the corpse in time to see Hakkai fall, a youkai blade cruelly shoved into the space between his shoulder blades. Gojyo's voice sounded odd to him, hoarse as he screamed Hakkai's name. Perhaps it was because he rarely screamed, but he barely recognized the frantic voice that had come from his mouth as his own. He had every intention of hacking a path to Hakkai's aid, but suddenly there were three other youkai on him, and all thoughts of Hakkai were forced from his head.

They had never intended on getting separated during a battle. However, the closer they drew to Gyumaoh, the more frequently they were beset with youkai warriors, and the more competent those warriors seemed to be. This time the Sanzo-ikkou had started out fighting together, but in the chaos of battle, they had been forced apart.

An eerie silence had descended on the blood soaked field as Gojyo worked to pull his blade out of his final corpse, exhausted. At last, it seemed to have ended. He looked around him, strangely detached. The battle seemed like it had lasted for days. The field was littered with corpses, and he could only wonder how many of them had been torn to pieces by his shakujou. He heard the dull padding of slow footsteps from behind, and he turned to see Sanzo. The monk's ivory robes were stained with a combination of blood and dirt. He clutched at his right arm, and in his trembling right hand, his faithful gun was still clenched tightly. Not far behind him, Goku was making his way towards them, using his Nyoi-Bo as a crutch.

"Oi, Gojyo," Sanzo said when at last he stood before him. "You hurt badly?"

"I don't know," Gojyo replied honestly. So filled with adrenaline fueled by rarely felt terror, he was still too numb to assess the amount of damage that had been inflicted. He did know that he would definitely be in some serious pain come tomorrow morning. "You?"

"'Ch," Sanzo scoffed. "Don't worry about me."

"Hey," Goku panted, resting heavily on the Nyoi-Bo, "Where's Hakkai?"

Gojyo's eyes widened. He turned his head towards the rise and saw Hakkai receive the blow that had made him fall again. Gojyo's mind replayed the event in slow motion, showing every agonizing detail in brutal clarity: how Hakkai's bloodless lips parted in a silent scream, how his body arched so delicately as a jet of crimson issued from deep in his throat, how the youkai had descended upon his fallen body like a flock of vultures…

"Chikushō!" he cursed, running as fast as he could towards that hill, the others following in hot pursuit.

Gojyo tore across the field, calling out the name of his missing friend in-between rattling off some blistering curses. Sanzo and Goku had taken up the search as well, shifting through corpses and filling the silence with the chorus of a name.

"Damn it! Hakkai!" Gojyo cried again, his voice breaking at the end as his emotions began to rise. The idea of Hakkai's body lying lost in the sea of youkai corpses was making him ill. Or even worse, imagining him dying alone among the bodies of his murderers, too weak to respond to his friends. He didn't deserve to die like that. Then, he saw it: a piece of jade green fabric sticking up from among the dark bodies. Hakkai hadn't risen from the place where he fell. Gojyo ran towards the fabric and, after shoving off a lifeless youkai, revealed the pale face of Hakkai. There was a deep gash on his left cheek that only oozed a slow stream of blood, as if it had bleed all it could and was tired now. His monocle was gone, lost forever in the gory field. His eyes were closed.

"Hakkai," Gojyo rasped, his eyes moving quickly over his body. His clothes were torn, revealing numerous gashes that marred his slender body. Gojyo's throat constricted painfully when Hakkai remained silent. Unwilling to accept the idea that he was dead, Gojyo gathered Hakkai's limp upper body into his arms, holding him carefully. The hand he kept on his back was quickly greeted by something wet. Positioning Hakkai against his chest, he moved his hand into his line of vision, repulsed to see his tanned skin stained dark crimson. Gojyo's head was reeling. This wasn't happening… "Hey, Hakkai. Look at me, ne? Come on, open your eyes…"

After what seemed like an eternity, Gojyo's desperate efforts were rewarded by the sluggish opening of a pair of shockingly green eyes. They focused slowly, and then locked onto the pair of wine-red eyes that stared back. Gojyo let out a tight breath he hadn't known he was holding. "Hey, man. You scared the hell out of me just now."

"Gojyo," Hakkai murmured. A fresh trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth accompanied his faint voice, and he found with grim resignation that even a single word had left him breathless. Hakkai hadn't been dreaming, then. The others had really been looking for him. By the way Gojyo sat with him, he felt it was safe to assume that the battle was over, at least for now. His chest was on fire, and each breath was more difficult than the last, but he refused to be silent. "The…the others?"

"They're fine," Gojyo quickly assured him, wondering why he couldn't pay more attention to his own well being at the moment. "How about you, ne? Think you can get up?" he asked, about to help him rise, but Hakkai weakly shook his head.

"There's blood in my lungs," Hakkai said after drawing a shallow breath. "Just stay here. It wont be long."

Gojyo stared down at the young man who trembled in his arms. He hadn't seen him look so pale since the night that he found him lying half dead across the path that he always took to go home from a night spent at the local tavern. He had saved him once, and the idea that he was just going to sit here and wait for him to die now after all they had been through, after all the time Hakkai had been their to save his ass, did not sit well with him. "We'll find a way to fix it," he muttered absently, wondering how far away it was to the next town where they might find a doctor as he called for Goku and Sanzo. He always thought it was moronic how Hakkai could heal others, but it was beyond his power to heal himself.

Goku was the first one to arrive, plopping himself down besides Hakkai, his golden eyes wide at seeing Hakkai look so weak. It scared him, and Hakkai knew it. Goku had always looked up to Hakkai as the calm one, the cook, mediator, and the healer. Now, to see him like this, lying in Gojyo's arms, blood trickling from his mouth, must have been greatly upsetting. Hakkai raised his white lips in a small smile, reaching out with a trembling hand, which Goku quickly grasped.

"Hakkai," the boy began, golden eyes searching green. "You're gonna be okay, right?"

The elder youkai opened his mouth to answer, but was interrupted by Sanzo as he turned his gaze towards the West. "You've got to be fucking kidding…"

Turning their heads, the gazed in silence at another band of youkai warriors approached from the distance, fresh and ready for the fight. Gojyo was the first to break the silence with a single word that adequately summed up all the thoughts running through their minds.

"Fuck."

Top of Form

Bottom of Form

"Aw, crap," Goku moaned, the next to break the silence, his golden eyes resting mournfully on the approaching troops. "What are we going to do now? Hakkai's hurt bad, Sanzo's arm's messed up–"

"My arm's fine," Sanzo growled through clenched teeth, though this seemingly went unnoticed by Goku, who continued to run through the list of their most obvious injuries.

"– an' Gojyo's bleedin', too. What're we gonna do?"

It was obvious that Goku's question had not been directed at anyone in particular, but it was one that Sanzo was grappling with even before he asked it. His hand tightened on his shoureiju until his knuckles had turned white. Nothing would be gained from trying to run away. The youkai would just catch up, and then overtake them, resulting in the battle they had tried to avoid. They had no choice but to stay and fight again. The real question was what could they do to actually _win_ that fight. Having Hakkai fight in his current state would have been a suicidal mission, and Goku's leg was mangled; he'd noticed he'd had trouble walking the field when they were trying to find Hakkai. That left only himself and Gojyo who, at the moment, looked like he's rather die than let go of Hakkai's slowly failing body. Sanzo could feel the anger rising within him, numbing his pain and fatigue.

"Damn it!" he burst out as his rage reached his peek, startling the other three, their attention now locked on Sanzo. "Goku, you stay with Hakkai. Protect him as best as you can. Gojyo, you come with me and fight."

Gojyo opened his mouth, but nothing came out. What could he say? Among their frighteningly limited options, Sanzo's words sounded like the only choice. Surprisingly, it was Hakkai who spoke out.

"You'll never win," he said simply, successfully raising Sanzo's lethal ire just that much more with the infuriating truth.

"So what the fuck do you propose we do?" he yelled, fire blazing from his drooping purple eyes. "Just sit here like fucking ducks?"

Hakkai shook his head, and raised his free hand to wipe the blood away from his mouth before speaking. "Let me heal the worst of your wounds as best as I can, and then remove my limiters. I'll be able to fight that way."

Sanzo shook his head, barely giving Hakkai's words any thought. "No."

"Please, don't be stupid," Hakkai sighed, catching everyone off guard. Had Hakkai actually insinuated that Sanzo was being…_stupid?_ _Death has made him bold_, Gojyo thought. Goku reasoned that if he wasn't so close to dying, Hakkai would have undoubtedly receive his first taste of Sanzo's harisen. A vein throbbed at Sanzo's temple, but his voice was low and controlled. "You'll die if you fight."

"I'm am going to die either way."

Everyone fell quiet for a moment. The casualness and certainty with which Hakkai spoke of his own death was unnerving, especially to Goku, who tightened his grip on Hakkai's hand, holding it closer to his chest. Death was a constant threat as they continued on their journey. It was a risk that they had long since acknowledged, and each one had come to face it more than once already. Somehow, though, they had always emerged triumphant, and though none of them ever spoke of it, it felt as if they would never actually die. Not only would Hakkai's death be painful in and of itself, but also it would end the idea of their seeming immortality; if Hakkai could die – good, gentle Hakkai - then they all could.

"Whatever," was Sanzo's only replied as he turned his back to Hakkai.

Goku's leg was first to receive the healer's attentive care. The bone had been broken, but overall the break was not bad- merely a hairline fracture, but more than enough to be painful for the young boy.

"You're gonna be okay," Goku said quietly to Hakkai as he worked on healing his leg, although it was unclear who he was trying to reassure more: Hakkai, or himself. Hakkai only smiled, and then moved onto Gojyo, whose wounds were crying out for his attention.

"Don't tire yourself out too much on me," Gojyo muttered as he felt the familiar warmth of healing chi flow into his back. Broken veins mended, sliced muscle healed, and the torn skin stitched itself back together, turning pink and new. Gojyo was glad his wounds were on his back; he'd never been able to watch Hakkai heal him. Though he never admitted it, the sight turned his stomach. It took the effort of all three of them to finally coax Sanzo into letting Hakkai heal his arm. Sanzo always wanted complete independence, never wanting to rely on the charity and kindness of someone else, but right now he simply didn't want to be a burden to Hakkai. Already after healing the other two, the light in his emerald eyes had dulled considerably, and his breathing had become more labored. The last thing he wanted was more blood on his hands, more guilt on the conscious he never paid attention to unless it rained during the night.

Sanzo's arm had taken a good hit during the fight, and the wound was still bleeding quite heavily. Sanzo watched with angry eyes as Hakkai rose up onto his knees and hovered his trembling hand just above the jagged gash, an orb of gentle green light forming in the space between. In a short time, the wound had closed. Hakkai parted his lips, obviously intent on saying something, but his body began to fall backwards, too weak to remain upright.

Gojyo was there, catching him easily and holding him protectively as he trembled against his chest. The sounds of the approaching youkai were growing nearly steadily, their ceaseless footsteps like the fatal tolling of a bell.

"Go on," Gojyo told the other two. "We'll join up in a second; I'll watch out for him until then."

"Right!" Goku said as he took up his Nyoi-bo. Sanzo merely nodded before heading off with Goku to pick off what youkai they could during the initial onslaught of fighting.

Gojyo felt Hakkai stirring against him, but he held tight. "Just rest for a second. Nothing's going to happen to them, or you. Not while I'm here," Gojyo soothed, wishing he could force some of his life into Hakkai's slowly failing body, but the best he could do was hold his shivering form and offer his soft, sappy words.

"I'm ready, Gojyo," Hakkai replied after a few moments. The battle cries of youkai were drawing dangerously near. "Take off my limiters, and put them in your pocket, please."

Gojyo hesitated. "You're sure about this?"

The resolution in Hakkai's eyes shocked Gojyo. "Do it."

After a moment of deafening silence, the limiters fell with a muted clink into Gojyo's waiting hand.


	2. Chapter 2

Gojyo had never seen Hakkai change before. He had been there when Goku's golden diadem had broken, and had seen the terrible Seiten Taisen Son Goku he had become. The change had been instantaneous, and any semblance of his original self had vanished into a sea of mad bloodlust; he was unable to distinguish friend from foe. Hakkai's transformation, however, was quite different.

Hakkai's body arched gracefully, rising slightly from Gojyo's arms. His eyelids fluttered shut and a soft breath flew from his parted lips. Gojyo vaguely remembered Hakkai mentioning once before that his transformations from human to youkai were painful for him. He hoped it was not unbearable. Starting from the scar on his belly and working outwards, vine-like markings began to spread over his body as if some unseen hand were skillfully adorning him with the most delicate henna designs. Leaves burst forth into bloom from the vines, one resting against his cheek, and it was all Gojyo could do not to reach out and touch one. As Hakkai arched his lithe body against the pain, Gojyo could not help but notice the unconscious sensuality of his involuntary movements. He found he could not tear his eyes away from the strangely beautiful sight. Hakkai's messy hair turned wild, almost as if it had only ever been combed by the caress of the wind. His eyes lengthened at the corners, giving them a more cat-like appearance as two distinctive lines jutted outwards from those corners, standing out sharply against his pale skin. The smooth shells of his ears grew and tapered into a delicate point, sticking out through the layers of his hair. Panting for breath, Hakkai reached out and took hold of Gojyo's arm; his fingernails had grown into razor sharp talons.

"Hakkai?" Gojyo said softly, half amazed and half terrified of the deadly beauty he held in his arms. He stifled a gasp when the green shot open. His dark pupils were elliptical, like a cat's. He rose slowly to his feet, apparently getting a feel for his new, fortified body. With an almost appraising eye, he looked over his razor-sharp claws, and the markings that covered his arms, disappearing into the sleeves of his shirt. He cast a wicked smile over his shoulder at the stupefied Gojyo, who continued to sit and stare in disbelief that three small earrings could contain _this_. Before Gojyo could utter a single word, Hakkai had disappeared from the hill.

Gojyo had always known that Hakkai could really turn it on if there was a desperate need for him to rely on his strength, speed, and agility. He had discovered that the night when Sanzo and Goku had come to his small apartment to arrest Hakkai and bring him back to Chang-an. Even though wounded and weak, Hakkai had managed to block one of Goku's powerful attacks, and was able to recover quick enough from a blow that had connected with him to pull a gun on him before Goku could deliver another attack. Since that night, he had seen Hakkai wipe out demons with his bare hands as well as with his chi, something that had saved the group on more than one occasion. All the things he had seen him accomplish before, however, were nothing compared to what he was now.

Hakkai moved like a god of lightening through the seemingly endless sea of youkai warriors, killing with the swift, merciless, and tireless efficiency of a machine. Before joining in the fray, Gojyo stood watching on the hill, unable to tear his eyes away from the awesome sight. Despite all the bloodshed his crimson eyes had seen before, this sickened him. Hakkai tore youkai apart so quickly that his hands might as well have been blades. Occasionally, he'd reach through the chest of a youkai, his gory hand emerging through the other side to slash at another one. The waves of chi that he summoned through his hands left countless bodies decimated in its wake. Even Sanzo and Goku were a bit staggered. Bearing his teeth like a savage beast, he burrowed deeper and deeper into the youkai mass until he stood at the very center of the crush, killing from the inside out like some sort of infection in the body of the troops. Having lost sight of him, Gojyo ran to join the others in the fighting, quickly drenching himself with enemy blood.

Of every youkai that was killed, it seemed to Goku that at least a dozen more appeared, crazed with bloodlust. Even worse, he was beginning to get tired. Waves of pain radiated through his leg with every step. Though Hakkai had mended it, the bone was still soft and delicate; had the circumstances been different, the healer would have firmly insisted that the leg be set in a cast and Goku should keep all weight off of it for about a week. His nyoi-bo seemed to be getting harder to wield by the moment. He considered taking off his limiter, but he knew that he'd loose all control and possibly put his friends in danger. He just had to hold on.

Unexpectedly, he heard a deep voice call out his name from behind. As he turned to see who had called him, he watched with wide eyes as a youkai charged at him, his sword level with his chest. Everything that happened next seemed to go in slow motion. The youkai's blade glinted in the sun. The voice called out Goku's name again, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the blade. A shadow came before him, blocking the sun and the glinting blade. Then there was the sound of ripping flesh and tearing muscle, a scream of pain, and then the shadow that had protected him slowly crumbled to the ground. A wave of numbness washed over Goku as the face of his protector tilted up at him, his eyes closed tightly, and his hand weakly grasping the handle of a sword that had pierced the side of his stomach, and come out his back.

"Hakkai," Goku breathed. No futile words in any language could describe the multitude of emotions in that single word. Goku recovered from his shock just in time to deal with a few more youkai come to finish what their fallen comrade had started. They weren't successful. A definite dent had been made in the number of youkai, and many were beginning to retreat, aware that without further reinforcements the hope of victory was moot. Goku quickly took advantage of this lull in the fighting to come to Hakkai's aid.

"Goku," the fallen man whispered. His voice was deeper than it normally was, and was unmistakably the voice that Goku had heard calling his name. Hakkai had saved his life, and now he needed to help him, but he didn't know where to begin. The flow of blood from around the blade was slow, making it look as if the metal itself were weeping tears of blood. He worried that if he pulled out the blade, he'd bleed to death. Or, if he didn't pull the blade out along the same path it entered in on, he might do more harm than good. "Tell me what to do, Hakkai," Goku said as he hit his knees, his voice trembling as badly as his hands. "I need you to tell me how to help you."

Hakkai closed his eyes a moment, as if looking inward. "I told think the blade hit anything vital." He paused. "Are you hurt?"

"Forget about me! We gotta help you!" Goku exploded, a wave of guilt crashing over him. Of course he wasn't hurt; Hakkai took the blade that was meant for him. It should be him lying on the ground with the hilt of a sword sticking from his belly, not Hakkai.

Hakkai nodded, and shut his eyes again. His demon form had a heightened tolerance for pain than his human form, but even so his skin was pale and slick with a sudden coat of perspiration. He licked his lips. "Pull the sword out. Do it quickly."

Goku hesitated. "You're sure?"

"Do it," Hakkai ordered, bracing himself for the pain.

With one last uncertain look to Hakkai, Goku wrapped his hands around the handle of the sword and quickly pulled it out, flinching at how Hakkai's body seized and he cried out in pain as the blood began to flow more freely. Hakkai put his hand over the wound, trying to staunch the torrents of blood, but his strength was waning. Goku placed his hand over his, helping him apply pressure to the wound.

"Such a good boy," Hakkai whispered as Goku let him rest his head on his legs.

"You're good at lots of stuff, too," Goku said, trying to keep Hakkai from saying these sentimental things. It reminded him of saying goodbye. "Like cookin', and cleanin', drivin' the jeep, and stopping Sanzo from killin' me and Gojyo."

Hakkai chucked weakly, and the chuckle quickly turned into a deep, wet cough. He sighed. "I must be a terrible sight."

"Naw," the younger boy lied. "You're lookin' great. Never better."

Goku didn't want to think about him dying. It wasn't a possibility. It was the four of them, day in and day out making their journey west. That's the way it would be until they reached India, and when they got back home, they'd still hang out together. Gojyo and Sanzo would smoke like two chimneys as all of them played a game of Mahjong. Hakkai would win most of the rounds, as always, and then excuse himself politely to check on the dinner, which would be delicious.

The sound of footsteps stirred Goku from his thoughts. Sanzo and Gojyo were walking over, spattered with new blood and weary.

"Oi, saru!" Gojyo called out when he was about halfway from Goku. "What are you doing sitting down on the-" Gojyo's eyes widened, realizing what the boy was supporting. "Holy shit, Hakkai!"

Gojyo ran the rest of the way, falling to his knees gracelessly besides him. There was so much blood around them that he could only guess how much of it belonged to Hakkai. "Shit, I knew this was a bad idea…we gotta get you out of here."

Hakkai shrugged slightly, doing his best to smile. "Ah, well, it could be worse." His smile fell, and he turned his had away as he began to cough, blood staining his lips.

Gojyo sighed. "Don't _ever_ say that again. Ever. It's always a bad idea."

"The youkai have retreated," Sanzo said when he got within talking distance of them. "It's probably only temporary. They'll be back as soon as they've got reinforcements."

"All right," Gojyo said, his tone suddenly casual. "We get the bird to turn into a jeep, and get the hell out of here."

"Gojyo," Hakkai said, weariness creeping into his voice. "It won't work."

Gojyo's carefree façade slowly started to crack. "Whadya mean it wont work?"

"I'm dying, Gojyo. Just leave me."

"Fuck that!" Gojyo nearly bellowed. "We are not leaving you behind."

"I'll never make it far in the jeep, even if we left now. I'll just bleed out on the way, or choke to death first."

Gojyo sat speechless in the face of Hakkai's calm certainty about his imminent death. He didn't know how to respond to that. This wasn't supposed to be happening, and he certainly wasn't prepared for Hakkai's next request.

"Gojyo, please put my limiters back on."


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm not going to put your god damn limiters back on!"

"Gojyo, please-"

"You'll die!"

"I'm going to die anyway!"

There was a sudden moment in silence, broken only by Hakkai's labored breaths. He hadn't meant to shout at Gojyo like that, but he didn't understand. He was clinging to false hope, and it would only make Hakkai feel all the worse for letting him down. "Gojyo, please…I don't want to die in this form. It reminds me of my sins."

Gojyo reached half-heartedly into his pocket. Withdrawing his clenched hand, he turned it skywards, and slowly uncurled his fingers. Almost as if alive, the three metal limiters winked at him in the sun, mocking him with their merry shimmering, oblivious to the situation at hand. He wished he could say that Hakkai wasn't going to die, that he'd scrape through just like they all had done so many times before, but seeing the way he trembled with pain as his hand clutched at the new wound on his stomach and the sweat that had gathered on his forehead from the sheer effort of just living robbed him of all words. With Goku and Sanzo looking on in stricken silence, Gojyo snapped the limiters back onto Hakkai's ear.

The points of his ears receded and rounded, and his long talons shrank back into human-sized fingernails. His eyes lost their cat-like appearance, and the vines disappeared back into his skin. But as his demon features melted away, the strength his other form had afforded him with also vanished. He was once again nothing more than a human, lying on his back, gasping for the air that seemed would not enter his lungs.

Goku watched as Hakkai's weak hand began to slip away from the wound he had been covering on his stomach. Wide-eyed and frantic, he took Hakkai's hand and helped him hold it there in a futile attempt to staunch the life that seeped from his body in the form of pulsing crimson torrents. "What can I do?" he asked the healer, his voice trembling with the tears that threatened to fall. This was his fault, too. He had been weak. Hakkai once told him that for Sanzo he must be strong. He had worked so hard to be strong for Sanzo…and in the end he hadn't been strong enough for Hakkai, gentle, smiling Hakkai…

Hakkai looked up at Goku, and did his best to manage a smile. "R-remember me…" he managed to rasp, feeling faint with the effort of speaking. Blood was entering his lungs quicker now than it had been. It stained the corners of his pale lips, and flowed from between his fingers that Goku helped him press against the wound. His smile fell as he began to fight in earnest for breath.

Gojyo wiped the sweat away from Hakkai's brow with a cleaner corner of his shirt. It killed him to know he couldn't offer him more than that. He couldn't even give him the comfort of dying in a clean bed. His life would end on a field that reeked of blood, surrounded by death.

'He's drowning…suffering…' Sanzo thought, watching as more and more blood flowed from the corners of his mouth. Sanzo hadn't felt this helpless since the murder of the one person in his life he ever cared about, the one he had been unable to save. Now, the cruelty of Fate had decided that he would relive the whole thing again. At least his master's death had been quick. He hadn't lingered on in agony as Hakkai was doing. He hated himself for standing and watching, feeling guilty for doing nothing to help ease the pain and suffering of his fallen friend. But, he knew if he were to end his suffering, he would bear the guilt of being Hakkai's murderer for the rest of his life.

"Sanzo! What can I do?" The panicked voice of Goku drew him from his thoughts. Tears were streaming down his flushed face, and clouded his golden eyes. His hand was still pressed tight against Hakkai's wound, and the other faithfully held onto Hakkai's other hand as if he feared that if he let go, Hakkai would slip away from him. Sanzo tore his eyes away from Goku's pleading gaze and looked to Gojyo. He still knelt by Hakkai, but seemed to be looking at a stop just beyond where he lay. He'd never seen the redhead look so numb.

"Take your hand off his wound, and move over to the side," Sanzo finally answered, his voice trembling despite his best efforts to be emotionless. "Gojyo, take his other hand." Had he not been so preoccupied, Sanzo would have been surprised at how Gojyo simply did as he was told, rather than starting an argument.

"What are you doing…?" Goku asked slowly, watching as Sanzo knelt down besides Hakkai, dirtying his already ruined robe in the mud that had been formed by Hakkai's blood mixing with the dirt. Sanzo never heard Goku's question. His eyes were locked on Hakkai's, which continually slid in and out of focus. "Do you want me to end it?" he asked softly, knowing he would hate the answer to the question either way.

Every inch of Hakkai's body was on fire, starving for oxygen. The more he began to panic, the worse the waves of pain became, but he couldn't control the mindless terror that held him tight in its grip anymore. He was drowning on dry land, being suffocated by his own blood. It burned at his throat. Yet every so often he managed to catch a breath of air, an innate effort of his body that only served to prolong his suffering. He barely heard Sanzo's question over the sound of blood pounding in his ears. It hurt. Oh God, how it hurt. His stomach was beginning to fill with blood as well, adding to his pain. "Yes," he managed to choke. "Let me go home…" Hakkai turned his head, and fell to coughing, fresh blood bursting from his lips until the spasm abated. Goku clutched Hakkai's hand, tears pouring down his face in steady streams. He wishes he could do something, anything, that'd save him. He stayed silent though, unwilling to protest if this is what Hakkai wanted. Gojyo looked on as if through a haze, wondering detachedly if this were all part of one really bad dream.

Being careful not to cause him any further, unnecessary pain, Sanzo moved to straddle Hakkai's waist. As gently as if he were handling a porcelain doll, Sanzo placed his hands on either side of his head, his thumbs resting right before his ears. Unexpectedly, Hakkai's glazed eyes focused, locking onto Sanzo's in a moment of perfect lucidity. "I'm scared," he whispered, sounding like a sick child alone in a strange, dark place. Sanzo's throat tightened painfully, and a slow tear fell from his eye. He leaned forward ever so carefully, and pressed his trembling lips against Hakkai's forehead in a soft kiss. "Paradise awaits you, Cho Hakkai," he rasped painfully, drawing back just enough to look into his eyes once more. Hakkai smiled, and then closed his eyes, concentrating on the two others who held his hands, summoning the last of his failing strength to give each of their hands a reassuring squeeze. He had promised them once that he'd always be there as long as someone needed him. The tears of Genjyo Sanzo and Son Goku, and the silence of Sha Gojyo told him louder and clearer than any words that they still needed him. His last thought was he could only hope they'd forgive him in time for leaving them so soon.

In one sudden, fluid motion, Sanzo turned Hakkai's head violently to one side, silencing Hakkai's labored breaths with the sickening snap of bone breaking. His body went limp, his head resting heavily in Sanzo's pale hands. He laid his head gently on the ground, and smoothed away his hair from his sweat-slicked yet peaceful face. Time crawled on, but they couldn't bring themselves to move. Goku and Gojyo still held onto the lifeless hands that began to cool in their grasp, and Sanzo still hovered over the body that no longer drew breath. They sat in silence, their tears falling like rain, washing the blood from their fallen friend.


	4. Chapter 4

Hakuryu at last managed to find them after the battle had calmed down, and was surprised to see them all gathered around his master. He landed not far from them, and made his way on foot over to Hakkai, wondering why he was so still and why the others were crying. In his innocent faithfulness to Hakkai, he reasoned he was sleeping and, wanting him to wake up, began to nuzzle at his cheek. He cheeped in surprise when he found it to be surprisingly cool. His lips seemed so pale, too. When cheeping in his ear failed to work as well, the little dragon climbed up onto his chest and grabbed a mouthful of his shirt, tugging at it with vengeance. Still, his master failed to wake. Confusion in his little red eyes, Hakuryu looked to the other three travelers. Each one looked away. It was then that he understood that his master wasn't going to wake up ever again. With a soft, mournful cheep, he lay down on his master's chest and rested his head where he should have felt the steady beating of a heart. Small pearly tears rolled down his small, white snout.

"We've got go," Sanzo said at last, breaking the oppressive silence that had fallen with his strained voice.

"Where did you have in mind?" Gojyo asked, but what he really meant to say was what was the fucking point?

"Away. Just…away from here. They're going to come back, and I really don't feel with dealing with a bunch of mindless assassin assholes right now." Sanzo stood, trying to numb his sadness by forcing himself to maintain his normal angry façade. "Come on, dragon. Change."

Hakuryu didn't stir.

"Look we don't have time for this right now! Just change, damn it!"

This time he cheeped softly and flew off of Hakkai, landing about a foot away and changing into the familiar Jeep.

Goku looked up, his golden eyes dulled by a veil of tears. "Who's gonna drive…?"

Sanzo had the unreasonable urge to hit Goku, to just throttle the kid until he was too tired to feel anything anymore. Why did he always have to ask those stupid questions, especially now? It felt like the pain had doubled at Goku's words. It was almost as good a spitting the poisonous words 'Hakkai is dead' right in his face.

"I'll drive," Gojyo offered unexpectedly, his eyes gazing absently at Hakkai's impassive face. After that, no one said anything more. Gojyo lifted Hakkai into his arms and gently laid him in the back of Jeep where he normally sat. Much to Goku's surprise, Sanzo relinquished his shotgun seat to be behind with Hakkai, leaving him no other option than to sit next to Gojyo. They drove away from the field quickly. No one insulted Gojyo when he accelerated too much, or put his foot down on the break too hard. Indisputably, it was the quietest ride in the Jeep they'd ever known.

Before arriving at the sight of the fatal battle, the Sanzo party had camped out on the lush shores of an unnamed river some fifty or so miles back. Secluded by a grove of beautiful weeping willows, it seemed as if nature had created a small sanctuary for them to replenish themselves. The water of the river was cool and clean without a strong undercurrent, perfect for bathing. Some of the bushes scattered about in between the trees were dotted with color, their branches laden with ripe, sweet-tasting berries. Hakkai loved it there. Gojyo recalled him remarking more than once on its beauty, but Gojyo knew his love of the place went deeper than his words. He seemed truly at peace there. His smiles had been real, and his eyes free from the shadows of his past that continued to haunt him. And at night, he slept. Gojyo had noticed his change in him, and kept it to himself, watching in silent satisfaction as his friend seemed to breathe easier here than anywhere else he'd been on this trip. Hell, if he liked it so much here, Gojyo didn't see why after this whole mess with the minus wave had been cleared up, they couldn't build a house here for themselves. Gojyo didn't have any deep emotional connection with his small apartment or with that town. Really, he would have been glad to escape the bar scene. He'd spent enough of his nights gambling and picking up ditzy girls to last him for the rest of his life. Now, after the battle, Gojyo's plans would come true in part. Hakkai would remain here, but not in the small house Gojyo had envisioned. It was there on the bank of the river that they decided they would bury their friend, unable to think of a more suitable place than where he'd seemed the happiest.

When they arrived at the grove once more, they faced a new set of challenges that Gojyo was first to point out. "We don't even have a fucking shovel…"

Sanzo walked away from the jeep, a stream of curses powerful enough to make a mountain crumble at its very foundations streaming from his lips. His mindless steps brought him deeper into the grove, leaving the other two alone. Gojyo wanted to kick the jeep. He wanted to kick it so badly until either the metal gave in, or his foot broke or bled. The pain would erase the pain. However, it was no mere collection of metal and gears, but a living, breathing creature, so he was denied even that release. Instead, he did nothing but stare at the lake, letting it build inside.

Watching how they had dealt with their grief, Goku wondered what he should do. When he had been trapped in the mountain, he'd only seen death once before. One day, a small little bird had decided to come and explore the mountain face and stumbled upon the imprisoned boy. Goku had never seen a bird so close before, and he held his hand out to it completely naïve to the fact that he might inadvertently frighten it away. The little bird, however, was just as curious as Goku, and hopped to his outstretched hand, perching on his finger. A strange, foreign feeling welled up in Goku, and suddenly his laughter was echoing through the barren mountains like a bright light cutting through darkness. Goku spent the day talking to his newfound friend, no longer repulsed by the sound of his own voice now that he had someone to talk to. When he woke the next day, he discovered that his small friend was lying on his side outside the bars of his cage. Goku called to him, but he stayed very still. Comprehension came slowly to Goku, and when harsh reality made itself clear, he refused to accept it. He strained against the cold stone bars, desperate to reach his bird, to ruffle his feathers so he could wake up again and they could play some more. The little body remained stubbornly out of his grasp. He had gotten a fleeting taste at friendship, and now that it was gone, the loneliness returned, doubled. He'd never cried while imprisoned until that moment. Should he cry now that Hakkai was gone? He wanted to, but he couldn't. Hakkai had told him to become stronger, and he couldn't let him down.

Looking away from Gojyo, his gaze fell on Hakkai's pale face. He's still so dirty, he thought, touching his cool cheek with his fingers as he tried to wipe away some of the dirt that stained the white skin. Shovel or no shovel, they couldn't leave him like this. Leaving Hakkai's side, he walked slowly towards the sparkling lake, stopping a yard or so before the shore turned to smooth, rounded gravel. He went down onto his hands and knees, and forced his fingers into the earth, watching in satisfaction as they disappeared into the soil, however slow. He pulled out a large handful. The dirt smelled strangely good, like new life and fresh grass. He tossed it aside, and then grabbed another handful that soon joined its companion. After the third handful came up, Gojyo noticed and went to him.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't care if we don't have a shovel," Goku said, digging his hands in deeper. "We gotta burry him."

Gojyo stared. "You're going to dig a grave with your bare hands?"

Another handful was tossed aside. "Yup."

Gojyo thought to tell him it was a stupid idea, that it would take days to dig by hand because of how deep it had to be, but Gojyo's hot words cooled and died on his tongue. He just couldn't tell him. He watched for a moment longer before kneeling down besides him. Goku looked up in surprise, but Gojyo said nothing. He only dug in his hands hard and deep and pulled out as much dirt as he could. Working tirelessly, they comforted each other with unspoken words. Soon a commendable ditch had appeared, though it was no were near the size of a grave. The sound of approaching footsteps made themselves known, and gradually grew closer to where they were, but neither of them looked up. They had work to do.

Having cursed until he was disgusted that, despite his liberal use and creative joining of them, they had failed to truly express how he was feeling, or alleviate his pain, Sanzo neared the jeep once more. He hadn't expected to see that a pile of dirt had appeared since his retreat, though it didn't really surprise him. Gojyo and Goku were digging. He didn't need to ask what for. He just wasn't sure if he wanted to acknowledge what they were trying to create.

An animal like screech was heard in the distance. Looking skywards, the trio saw four dark shapes in the sky, growing larger and more distinct every moment as they continued to approach. None of them moved once they realized what the shapes were. They didn't have the will to do anything but gaze up in the sky in weary disbelief at Kougaiji-ikkou.


End file.
